The Savior Returns

How dare those jehadis entered our coutry and made us laugh, disguised as stand-up comedians? Even worse, they sung songs and acted in our movies… But don’t you worry, our savior MNS is teaching them all a lesson. They are being beaten up and threatened and thrown out of our land. Pestering bunch of insurgents.

MUMBAI: Pakistani stand-up comedian Shakeel Siddiqui was driven out of a television set at Mohan Studios in Andheri on Wednesday by members of the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena and asked to leave the country immediately… Last week, MNS had burnt CDs of Pakistani performers and had forced stores to withdraw books by Pakistani authors.

After few months of lull our saviors are back. They are saving us from Pakistani Agents who have the impunity of entertaining us in our own country. How dare those jehadis entered our country and made us laugh, disguised as stand-up comedians? Even worse, they sung songs and acted in our movies. Look what they have done, their songs have become hits all over the country. Our people are getting lost in their melody. And then some of them used the weapon of words, published Pakistani text on the Indian soil. But don’t you worry, our saviors are teaching them all a lesson. They are being beaten up and threatened and thrown out of our land. Pestering bunch of insurgents. They forgot we have MNS to save our souls.

So what if Mr. MNS and his hooligans were nowhere to be seen when Pakistani Insurgents entered our Mumbai and kept it captive for a couple of days. Pakistanis hurling hand grenades at us are tolerable but we should not accept Pakistanis giving us smiles. Its OK if they kill our innocent men and women but they should not share their art and culture with us. Our savior let them get away after committing heinous acts of terrorism. So what, these are small things, to be forgiven and forgotten. We should instead focus on the real issues and look only where Mr. MNS wants us to. Lets kill them all!!

Humanity

If everyone will go at everyone else’s speed how far shall we reach? I am trying to question the human attitude which says “Let’s Sacrifice”.

I dedicate this article to N.P. and A.D. N.P. is a close friend and was my classmate during graduation. A.D.  is a fellow on planet earth. Both seem bright and full of potential. No offences guys, please take it in a positive sense.

It was a typical Tuesday morning. And a typical mail box. And the mail I received was no different. It was a story about 8 differently-abled girls who were competing in a race in some stadium. The story narrated how one of the girls fell and the other 7 helped her back on feet and then all of them walked till the finishing line hand in hand in front of an applauding and visibly moved audience. The mail went on to claim this incident as an example of  teamwork, humanity and equality among all. And at the end was this “really great” message:

“Successful people help others who are slow in learning so that they are not left far behind.”

By the way, this message had a typo, it had the word felt instead of left.

Normally I exercise the power vested in me by almighty Google and promptly delete such mails. But that day, generally because of my governing stars and planets and specifically because of the insolence of the “really great” message I could not resist replying back to the person I received the mail from and the person who had originated the forward. What follows is the consequent conversation over mails.

Continue reading “Humanity”

Reversibly

In some part of universe creating entropy would be a crime – I doubt how they lived.

Reversibly.

Technical jargon when used in day to day conversation leads to awesome pieces of insight. Also, sometimes just a single word reply can answer the most seemingly complex questions. What follows is an actual chat conversation that demonstrates my point. It has been color coded for readability. Translation are in grey as few lines are in Hindi. And my inline commentary is in green.

Anupam: Did you just send a blank mail in reply?
Shishir: 🙂 No. I Didn’t. Par sara msg chuhe kha gaye.. (But the mice gnawed it all)

Anupam: Or was it the written manifestation of “Speechless”
Shishir: Manifestations are always written. Ever heard of a verbal manifestation?

Anupam: The mere word “heard” signifies that it has to be verbal.
Shishir: [News : A boy died in front of comp. PS: no blood found, only ash and dust! Strange!]

Anupam: [Latest updates: He was vaporized by “The Obvious”.]
Shishir: [Latest updates: No one available for comment.]

Shishir: [In some part of universe creating entropy would be a crime . I wonder how they live.]
(Shishir strongly thinks that me and my BS have something to do with the ever increasing randomness of our worlds. There was a big pause here.)
Anupam: Reversibly.

(There was a much bigger pause here)

Shishir: Oh my holy God you enlightened me. Thee aren’t contributing in size of thy universe… so selfish thou art… If thee could give me the last bit of thy knowledge i shall die in the awe of my ignorance.
(Shishir just loves that typical Shakespearean English)
Anupam: Can you give the last line in simpler English?

Shishir: Go home dude. Bye.
(He later admitted he wanted to end the discussion as early as possible at this point. Dude, all you had to do was raise a white flag.)
Anupam: Bye.

Anupam: Abey batayega kya matlab tha last line ka. (Now will you tell me what the last line meant?)
Shishir: Arey i was asking ki kewal mujhe ye bata de aur is ke bad main ignorance me hi marr jaunga. (I was just asking you tell me just once and then I’ll die in my ignorance)

Anupam: Tu to ghar jaa raha tha na? (You were going home right?)
Shishir: Nahi, tujhe bhej raha tha. (No, I am asking you to go home)

Anupam: Kyo? Tune space-time coordinate ka theka le rakha hai kya? (Why? Do you have the contract for space-Time Coordinate allocations)
Shishir: Nahi. (No)

(Plan # 2 to get rid of my blabber.)

Shishir: A human being is part of a whole, called by us the “Universe,” a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest–a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. So go home.

(But it failed miserably.)
Anupam: The postulate mentioned above also means.. that the office is home and the home is office.. because everything is home and everything is office.. also nothing is home and nothing is office.. in short eff off.

And thus the chat fight ended. Who won? No one here, but some alien world, galaxies away, which thrived upon such entropy increasing B.S. gained unknowingly. The legend says they had an excess of energy supply, which could have lasted for centuries. Though, this excess led to anarchy and mental retardation which finally resulted to the eradication of their entire race.

Homecoming

What I needed was her hand in mine,
What I held onto was my own pain.

And I closed the door behind me,
As a denial to the truth (in vain).

What I needed was her hand in mine,
What I held onto was my own pain.

I waited for her all my life, but,
Never told her, now she can never know.

I wanted to break, I wanted to feel,
But was left with no reason, life or soul.

And then I knew I had finally reached home,
When I felt her fragile grip on my palm.

And saw the rigid lines of her face,
In the crimson pool on the floor.

Looters and Moochers

The good might happen by itself, but the evil is done, coldly, professionally, thoughtfully. The people who follow his irrational outcries are guilty. Thackeray is just the charmer. It is the lured who must resist their inherent temptations to claim against their needs.

My parents never told me to reject something I didn’t deserve, specifically if it were good. I don’t accuse them; their parents too probably didn’t. What this makes me, an average Indian, is integrally challenged.

I go to any extent to spend one quarter of a penny less and to earn another quarter of a penny more than what is justified. And such halves make me a fraction of a person. The issue does not end at Money. Go out of the way to help me and I’ll chant your name forever. Make some consideration, compromise or a special favour and I’ll place you with the gods. Who knows, I might even profess your holy kindness on my blog.

I am saying all this to prove that Raj Thackeray is not at fault. He is merely using his political skills. I am sure he knows how wrong he is. The good might happen by itself, but the evil is done, coldly, professionally, thoughtfully. The people who follow his irrational outcries are guilty. Thackeray is just the charmer. It is the lured who must resist their inherent temptations to claim against their needs.

Moreover, all the action taken against Mr. MNS will only lead to his glorification amongst the mindless masses that already dietify him. The best way to deal with these hooligans is to leave it all to them. Let them run Mumbai (and the rest of Maharashtra) and tap its potential for their “son’s of the soil”. Cause the actual creators do not need a Mumbai to create a Mumbai. What they need (and what actually burns in the furnaces of this economical giant) they’ll carry away in their skulls.

This is a fairly old post. It was first posted on my previous blog at a time when Maharashtra was seething with its “son of the soil” sentiments. The upsurge caused a lot of damage to Maha’s and specially Mumbai’s cosmopolitan image. What I really love about this post is its relevance to all Indians, Raj Thackeray or not.